Official C.A.R. Statement on the Detention of and Physical Assault on Senator Padilla

Krusti Gnome is a Fascist and dog-murderer, and as such is an avowed enemy of The Clown Army of Resistance

Kristi Noem is known to like clowns, even if the clown is a rodeo clown who is deluded into thinking she’s somehow a perk. Photo provided by: John Harrison - Rodeo Clown Barrelman via Meta (explains his delusions).

June 12, 2025 - For Immediate Release and Republication

Krusti Gnome is a fascist. Any denials of this fact on her part are found by The Clown Army of Resistance (C.A.R.) to be extremely funny jokes* **.

The Clown Army of Resistance (C.A.R.) firmly condemns her agents and their very unfunny assault on Senator Padilla today. There is no place in the government of a free people for this type of humorless nonsense. If Krusti Gnome and the rest of the current Fascist/Nazi regime in D.C. want nonsense, they should at least try to be funny about it.

All Fascists are enemies of C.A.R.

We will respond to all fascist provocations with full hilarity and unrepentant laughter at a time and a place of our choosing. All Nazis and other Fascists are hereby warned that they will be mocked ruthlessly and in a manner which exposes their shamelessness.

While details of our response to Krusti Gnome’s provocation today are not available publicly, she should know that clown balloon-dog murders and clowns wearing jack-boots and imitating the abuse of a US Senator are in her very near future. If she repents and publicly embraces the futility and inanity of being a fascist Nazi, we will redirect our efforts. The chances of this are about the same as the chances of her dog rising from the dead and giving Nazi salutes at CPAC.

The Clown Army of Resistance (C.A.R.) is a decentralized non-violent army of irregulars dedicated to fighting fascism with farce. We do not condone violence, except for the occasional consenting pie in the face.

If you would like to join, please see our recruitment office.

The Clown Army of Resistance - Official Recruitment Office

* Rules of denial are the same for Krusti Gnome and the rest of Hisself’s regime as for the Kremlin: denials and accusations are both confessions.

** Krusti Gnome, Putin, and a dog are all at the Pearly Gates. The angel working the immigration desk asks each for proof of citizenship and good deeds. Krusti points to her platinum cross jewelry and shouts “Lord! Lord!” so loud that Hitler can hear it in hell. The angel asks, “You never read the Bible, did you?” Krusti replies, “How dare you accuse me! Of course I didn’t not read the Bible!” Putin chimes in, “You will let her and me in or I will nuke all of creation.” The dog lifts his leg and pees on Krusti’s bedazzled boots and then struts into heaven. The angel declared to Krusti: “You are an illegal alien here and will be sent to hell’s version of CECOT.” Putin chimes in again, “If you do that, I will nuke all of creation.” Poof, Krusti is sent to hell’s version of CECOT. Putin says, “If you do that again, I’ll nuke all of creation!” Nick Fuentes arrives at the Pearly Gates and immediately asks the angel for proof of their citizenship. Poof, he is instantly sent to hell’s version of a Supermax solitary cell where no one will ever hear him speak again. Putin says, “If you send one more of my agents to hell, I will nuke all of creation.” Catturd arrives at the Pearly gates and asks where the golden calf is so he can meme it into some version of “owning the libs”. Poof, he is immediately sent to hell’s version of 7th-grade detention, where he will forever be the scrawny booger-eating kid for eternity. The angel interrupts Putin: “No one believes you.”

(edits - Gramma Er, Spale-ing, and and and something, we forget)